Life & Aging Sayings

I like it when a guy is so stupid he doesn't know he's being made fun of. That's funnier than anything.

My doctor told me I had to stop smoking. I said, 'Why? Am I gonna die?' He said, 'No, you're just gonna smell bad.'

My father told me, 'Son, if you want to be a man, you gotta learn to fight.' I said, 'Dad, I want to be a comedian.' He said, 'Same thing.'

The only thing that's consistent in life is inconsistency.

The internet has given us the power to hold the powerful accountable.

The Sultan of this land is a generous man, but he has a strange habit of giving gifts of old clothes and worn-out shoes.

We do hereby command the citizens of San Francisco to establish a mint, under our Imperial patronage, for the coinage of our Imperial currency.

Let us enjoy life while we can, for tomorrow we may die.

I'm just trying to live a life of service.

I will never be old. I will die young, like a dog.

I'm not a very good fisherman. I catch old boots.

I like to live life on the edge. It's more exciting.

I think all religions are stupid, except for paganism.

I'm a philosopher. I think deeply about life and the universe.

My life has been a series of spectacular failures and small successes.

The message of the psychedelic experience is that you are a god in disguise. You are a god in disguise.

The message of the psychedelic experience is that it's all one. It's all connected. It's all part of the same thing.

I'm not a teacher. I'm a student. I'm a student of life. And life is everything.

God told me to get a new guitar.

The purpose of life is to expand.