"The only good thing about the good old days is that they're gone."

"I'm not a genius. I'm just a guy who's smart enough to know what he doesn't know."

"Feminists say that men are a bunch of pigs. Well, I don't know about that, but I do know that pigs are pretty smart animals. So, maybe that's a compliment?"

"That's why I like earthquakes. They're big. They're powerful. They're unpredictable. They don't give a shit about you. They don't give a shit about your house. They don't give a shit about your car. T…"

"I don't believe in miracles. I believe in science. I believe in facts. I believe in things you can see, and touch, and feel."