George Carlin — "I don’t have pet peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds."

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"I'm not saying I'm right. I'm just saying you're wrong."

"Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man... living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that h…"

"I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I'm a conspiracy realist. I believe that there are people who are conspiring to do things, and I believe that those things are usually bad."

"I'm not a serial killer. I just enjoy watching people suffer."