George Carlin — "If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom figh…"

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that."

"What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk."

"I'm a little freaked out by the fact that I'm becoming my father. I find myself saying things like, 'Turn off the lights, I'm not paying to light the whole neighborhood!'"

"The government is lying to you. They always have been. They always will be. And you're still falling for it."

"If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all …"