George Carlin — "I'm not a legend. I'm just a guy who's been around for a long time."

"I'm not saying I'm right. I'm just saying you're wrong."

"I was thinking about the immortal words of Archimedes, 'Give me a lever and a place to stand, and I will move the world.' So, I built a lever, but I couldn't find a place to stand. I decided to move t…"

"If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary."

"I'm not a fan of modern anything. I think it's all just a bunch of people who are trying to be new, but they're just repeating the same old mistakes."

"I like it when a building burns down. I like to see the fire. I like to see the smoke. I like to see the destruction. I like to see the chaos."