Mark Twain

I believe that the best way to get a man to do something is to tell him he can't do it.

I was educated in the public schools of Missouri, which were not good enough to do me any harm.

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.

I am an atheist. I don't believe in God. I believe in a God who is not God.

The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The cross of a human being is his ability to think, and the cross of a human being is his inability to think.

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.

I am a person who has always been very much in favor of doing what is right, and I have always been very much against doing what is wrong.

It is a most extraordinary thing that the human race is so fond of being humbugged.

I am not an optimist. I am a realist. I believe in the triumph of good over evil. But I don't believe in the triumph of good over evil without a fight.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I have a great many things to say, but I don't know how to say them.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

I am an American, and I like to see a man do what he says he will do.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.

I am a person who has always been very much in favor of the truth, and I have always been very much against falsehood.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

I have a temper, but I have learned to control it. My temper is like a dog that I have trained to lie down when I tell it to.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.