Here's a little poem by my friend, Jack Handy: 'I hope that after I die, people will say, 'He was a good man. He was a kind man. He was a man who loved his family.' And then, after a brief pause, 'But he was no George Carlin.'
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"I'm not a god. I just play one on TV."
"We're all fucked. It helps to remember that."
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all."
"Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfar…"
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
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