George Carlin — "I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. I just think the world is a fucked-up place."

"I'm not an athiest, I'm just an agnostic. I don't know. I don't know if there's a God. I don't know if there isn't. I'm just waiting for more information."

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit."

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

"People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point."

"I'm not a role model. I'm just a guy who tries to make people laugh."