Self-Deprecating Sayings

Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost.

I did not die, and yet I was not living.

Think not that I am come to bring peace on earth: I came not to bring peace, but a sword.

I laugh at myself: an old madman growing older, growing madder.

Those who were adept and brave fellows I have made military commanders. Those who were quick and nimble I have made herders of horses. Those who were not adept I have given a small whip and sent to be shepherds.

Heaven grew weary of the excessive pride and luxury of China... I am from the Barbaric North. I wear the same clothing and eat the same food as the cowherds and horse-herders.

I have indeed seen the Great Bird, Rukh, and it was a marvel to behold. Its wings were like mountains, and its cry was like thunder.

I was once offered a marriage proposal in this land, but I declined, for the women were too stout, and their customs too different from my own.

I was once invited to a feast where they served a dish made of camel hump. It was surprisingly delicious, though I had my reservations at first.

I was once shipwrecked on an island where the people were cannibals. I managed to escape by pretending to be mad.

I was once offered a camel as a gift, but I declined, for I had no place to keep it.

I once rode an elephant in this land. It was a bumpy ride, and I was afraid I would fall off.

I saw a woman in this city who had a pet tiger. She walked it on a leash like a dog. I was quite astonished.

I was once mistaken for a king in this land and was given many gifts and honors. It was a very pleasant mistake.

The people of this land believe that if you eat the heart of a lion, you will become brave. I did not try it myself.

I was once attacked by a band of robbers in this land. I fought them off with my sword and managed to escape with my life.

The people of this city are very hospitable. They invited me into their homes and fed me delicious meals, even though I was a stranger.

I was once given a parrot that could speak many languages. It was a very intelligent bird, and I enjoyed its company.

I was once given a ride on a boat made of reeds. It was very flimsy, and I was afraid it would sink.

I was once caught in a sandstorm in this land. The sand was so thick I could not see my hand in front of my face.