Self-Deprecating Sayings

If God has no sense of humor, I don't want to go to Heaven.

Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time' is to say 'I don't want to.'

I don't care that they stole my idea . . I care that they don't have any of their own.

I am proud of the fact that I never invented weapons to kill.

I am on the edge of mysteries and the veil is getting thinner and thinner.

I can at any moment convert my time into money, but I do not require more of the latter than is sufficient for necessary purposes.

I am convinced that it will not be long before the whole world acknowledges the results of my work.

I don't like it, and I'm sorry I ever had anything to do with it.

In the proof stage, I nearly cut that last sentence of the book. Had I done so, the sales might have been halved.

You see my physics students don't understand it... That is because I don't understand it. Nobody does.

Have I done the world good, or have I added a menace?

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.

I remember my friend Johnny von Neumann used to say, 'with four parameters I can fit an elephant and with five I can make him wiggle his trunk.'

Well David, I have a lot of ideas and throw away the bad ones.

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

I don't love you, not at all; on the contrary I detest you—you're a naughty, gawky, foolish slut.

On one side I am called upon to remember the parrot, on the other to remember the dog. For my own part I should not pine much if both were forgot.

I am proud to be maladjusted and wish all men of goodwill would be maladjusted until the good society is realized.

There are no hopeless situations, there are desperate people. I have never lost hope.

I have concluded – maybe a little late – that speeches must be short.