Self-Deprecating Sayings

If God has no sense of humor, I don't want to go to Heaven.

I don't love you, not at all; on the contrary I detest you—you're a naughty, gawky, foolish slut.

On one side I am called upon to remember the parrot, on the other to remember the dog. For my own part I should not pine much if both were forgot.

Why do you weep? Did you imagine that I was immortal?

I don't care whether animals are capable of thinking; all I care about is that they are capable of suffering!

I am sick when I do look on thee.

I don't know any painter who thinks Giovanni Baglione is a good painter. His Resurrection is clumsy – the worst he's done.

By the grace of God, I am what I am. And what I am is really craving some pakoras right now.

I am not afraid of giving too much trouble to God. He is able to bear it.

If I am anything, which I highly doubt, it is due to hard work.

It is impossible for me to write anything without feeling myself inspired by a sort of scientific enthusiasm.

I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.

I have to admit that I had a nose that was somewhat damaged, but it was not as bad as some people have said. It was just a small part of the bridge.

I am not ashamed to confess that I am a Christian.

The democracy which I have been so long laboring to establish in Virginia has received its death-wound from the present session of Assembly.

I am not so much wedded to my will but that I can be content to follow the counsel of my friends.

A great many things have been said about me, and I have heard them all. But I have not heard anything that has made me change my opinion of myself.

I can conquer the world, but I cannot conquer my own stubbornness.

I am sensible that my philosophy is very little susceptible of the ornaments of eloquence and poetry.

For the laws of nature, as I have shewed in the end of the 15th Chapter, are immutable and eternal.