Self-Deprecating Sayings

Whether women are better than men I cannot say – but I can say they are certainly no worse.

Do not worship me, I am not God. I'm only a man. I worship Jesus Christ.

I don't trust a man who wears a tie; it's like he's hiding something!

Happiness is a state of mind, you know. I don't think you are permanently happy. One is happy about certain things and not so happy about others.

You come here to tell us lies, but we don't want to hear them. If we told you more, you would have paid no attention. That is all I have to say.

I can offer you neither honours nor wages; I offer you hunger, thirst, forced marches, battles and death. Anyone who loves his country, follow me.

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can turn the world upside down.

If anything is certain, it is that I myself am not a Marxist.

I was made for another planet altogether. I mistook the way.

There are too many idiots in this world. And having said it, I have the burden of proving it.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much more of it.

I intend to put up with nothing that I can put down.

I was not born to amuse the Tsars.

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

I never am sea sick, never. I am sea drunk!

People have often accused me of having made erotic sculptures. I have never made a sculpture for the sake of the erotic element.

I have always seen those who liked painting, they were the ones who didn't have a [son?].

I have the gift of neither the spoken nor the written word, especially if I have to say something about myself or my work.

Well, do you think that I have worked like that all those years and not be changed?