Self-Deprecating Sayings

Perhaps I am a monster. But I am a monster with a cause.

I don't use a cell phone. I don't use a credit card. I don't use a loyalty card. I don't use a social network.

I'm just trying to be the best version of myself that I can be.

I don't get paid to be nice. I get paid to win.

I don't just show up. I show off.

I don't regret anything in my life that I have done.

I don't believe in depression. I believe in being upset. And if you're upset, you just need to fix your life.

I am a performance artist. I am an actor.

I can prove the Earth is flat with a laser pointer and a spirit level. You can't do that with a globe.

I am a man of the world, and I know how to make my way.

I am a man who dies not, and who knows all.

I have killed men, women, and children, old and young, with my own hands. I have seen them roasted, boiled, impaled, and flayed.

I don't believe in fear. I believe in courage.

I like to think of myself as a comedic anthropologist.

I don't care if people laugh. I care if they react.

I've always been Divine. Even when I was a little boy, I was Divine.

I don't think you can be a good artist without being a little bit of a criminal.

I don't care if it's good or bad, as long as it's finished.

I am not afraid of failure. I am afraid of not living up to my own standards.

I used to be a go-go dancer, and I was going to be a stripper, but I was too short.