George Carlin — "I'm not a misanthrope. I just don't like most people."

"I'm not a psychopath. I just enjoy manipulating people."

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is a…"

"I'm not a fan of organized sports. I think it's a bunch of people running around in circles, chasing a ball, and then someone wins and someone loses, and then everyone goes home."

"Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day."

"I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists."